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“To love someone is madness… To be loved by someone is a gift… Loving someone who loves you is a duty… But being loved by someone whom you love is a beautiful life.”

Today, I woke up with you on my mind, and honestly, my heart feels like it’s carrying a ton of bricks. Is it my heart or my chest that’s weighed down? I can’t quite tell, but the heaviness of you being tangled in my thoughts is undeniable.

Last night, as usual, I drifted off thinking about you. It’s become a ritual, like my nightly meditation. You’re there, swirling in my mind, whether I want you to be or not. I’ve tried to stop you, but it’s like trying to chase away a shadow—you’re just there, lingering.

It’s a bit of a curse, this constant preoccupation with you. Why do I keep seeing you in the light of day and the dark when I should be asleep? Not that you’re lighting up my world; it’s more like a faint, blurry snapshot of you from the last time we met. I don’t even remember your exact features anymore—just this hazy, fading impression.

You don’t know how I feel and I’m uncertain if you ever will. It’s like living in a chaotic dream where you’re both the source of my joy and madness. It drives me up the wall in ways I didn’t know were possible.

I wish I could spill my guts to you, and let you know how deep this goes. But then again, what if that wrecks what little we have? I don’t want to be tossed aside like a forgotten note. I just want to be there for you, without making things awkward or uncomfortable.

Honestly, this feeling might vanish like a vapour does—sooner or later—because you don’t know it exists. 

I can’t bring myself to risk what little we have by spilling my feelings, even though I’m not usually one to rely on “Que sera sera.” I want to believe that if we’re meant to be, things will work out, but my practical mind keeps insisting on intention, effort, and consistency. In other words, I’m not usually one for wishful thinking, but here I am, caught between hope and reality.

I’m at war with my mind, but here I am, pouring it all out because I needed to share this. 

Just so you know, I’ve never felt this way before. I would have denied it if you’d asked me a while ago. But something about you has stirred something deep within me — a feeling I can’t quite describe but believe could grow. I don’t think you feel the same, and that’s alright.

So, forgive me if I keep thinking about you. Forgive me if you’re the first and last thing on my mind daily. Forgive me if this feeling feels like madness because sometimes it is just that…

I dream of a beautiful life with you, but you might already have that with someone else. For now, I’ll keep my emotions as a little gift to you from afar. 

I hope to move past these feelings and be with someone who loves me as much as I do them. After all, if you felt the same, you’d have dropped a hint or said something by now — though I’d prefer you just speak up. 

Do you feel the same way? Please let me know.